BC Office 4up Team Time Trial Championship Results 19th June

[charlie]

I was racing for BC office pride last night, riding in a 4 up TT in Cheshire, in one of two rival BC office teams.
I think the following report provides an accurate description of the evenings tense racing.

EVENT REPORT: Oli Lougheed, Team Tall.

Clash of the Titans
(Not the National) Team Time Trial Championships

As expected, the Team Tall versus Team Small challenge turned into an epic struggle of gladiatorial proportions.

On a grey, gusty and occasionally windy evening the 4 horsemen of team tall rode out first, taking an 8 mile detour to the start line, proving the old adage that when 4 men try to read a map everyone except Oli is wrong. The CCCP Team replica jerseys may have been a bad decision, as any local who was stopped for directions screamed and ran to man the defenses around Jodrell Bank, presumably fearing the cold war was back on.

Having already incurred a late starting penalty Comrades Tall experienced a few technical issues changing in the early miles, dropped each other on the first hill and then finally found some rhythm as The Train Jeffries and Too Tall Lougheed settled into the tri bars.

At the first roundabout Rob “Still Faster than Sarah Storey” Mace decided team riding was too easy and rolled off the back to ride a solo 25mile effort. The other 3 team members conferred and decided that team riding was hard enough so continued around the course at full tilt, overtaking the odd car and almost catching one marshal unawares with the speed of their cornering. There was a brief panic when Rob “The Country” Gent Jeffries slowed to admire a tractor, then finally decided to overtake, and when Phil “wedding fever” Godfrey decided to eat his dinner for a second time.

Team Small started after a more relaxed preparation smoking cigars in the car park, recounting yarns of rides of old, and swilling brandy. Finally deciding it was time to start they sauntered to the start line in a relaxed frame of mind, trying to hide the TESCO branding on their illegal jerseys, and gently rolled off into the head wind. One confused local leaving his local was seen to smack his back pocket and shout “that’s asda price baby,” but the team kept their composure and rode on.

5 miles into the ride and Dan “not so small” Small decided his team manager roll was more important than contributing to the riding and headed for the car muttering about preparing the recovery drinks and seeing a man about a dog. Displaying a little more composure than Team Tall, the smaller chaps battled hard on their archaic drop barred machines and kept their changes smooth, roaring round to record a quick first lap time.

Comrades Tall headed into the final 5 miles without the benefit of time checks, having forgot to start their computers or watches, but knowing that “the finish is somewhere down this road, probably” and that riding into headwinds is miserable. Nearing the finish the wedding fever ridden Godfrey started to fight to close the gaps in between re swallowing his dinner, and as the checkered flag was sighted Lougheed led out the sprint in a manner reminiscent of Chippollini’s heyday. Second in line The Train Jeffries upped the pace, and he and Godfrey led across the line for a fast finish. If only the race had been a 1 mile sprint the power of the Russian lookalikes would surely have been more telling.

Knowing their time had been “maybe about an hour or a bit more, though my watch might be wrong” Team Tall knew it would be a close run challenge, and a crowd built up around the finish times as Team Tall set about finishing all the cake before the small team finished.

Team Small kept their formation together beautifully to the finish, riding strongly behind Charlie “the new train” Evans. Crossing the line to chants of “are you wiggo in disguise” the boys headed for home. Nobody could call the time difference at the finish, and still the scoreboard failed to show new times.

Finally the time keeper finished his nap, creaked slowly from his chair and licked the tip of his pencil. Tension built, some people cried, young girls fainted, the excitement couldn’t have been greater if the tea lady had announced free beer and sandwich hour. The results were penciled up, there was no more debate to be had….. team small had sneaked the narrowest of wins by 48 seconds. As fireworks erupted and the band started playing again, there were handshakes, tears and the occasional punch thrown, before everyone headed for a well earned shower and pint or 6.